Healing


I spent so many time trying to tell someone that I worth their time, that I worth the fight, but wouldn’t it work to no one.
My heart ache and I feel sick every time I see something that reminds me of you.

I’ve tried running, staying, begging, but none would brings you back someone when they want to get away.
I can’t keep my cool so I keep it true*.
It’s gonna be part of me always and I don’t want to be sad if it calls me from the deep corner, when I see something that reminds me of you.

I’m trying to face my fear and sadness now, instead of running away from it faking a smile and walking with bleeding knees.
I want to take some time for myself to heal, I want to let myself be sad and angry and heartbroken and whatever those feelings you gave me.
Because not feeling anything is not okay.
I want to give myself solid proof that I can do it, that if it ever happen again someday I know that I can get through it without running away.
I now know that pretend that it is okay does not makes you stronger. It tells you that you are strong, without actually make you see that you can survive it.
I want to be okay with the fact that I was hurt, I want to see that I can actually get back to my feet and get through this.
And maybe when that happens I can walk faster and better than before.
Maybe when that time comes I can finally draw a line between past and present.
Because that’s the only way I know how to be alive.

I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I just can’t see it yet because I have something unfinished. Something with myself.
I want that when I finally walking out of here, I can leave it all behind me.
And maybe when that happens, I can actually have a fresh start.

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